Trials and Secret Motives
by Your-Little-Bonsai-Tree
Summary: A little one-shot thing I did after seeing a bunch of Sam hate after 8x16 (I think). In Sam's POV about why he hid his condition caused by the trials from Dean. No romance or anything. Just Sam's thoughts on the issue and whatnot. Rated T for safety.


This is the first fanfiction I've written that follows the actual storyline and plot of the original show. It's based on season eight/episode sixteen (I think). I've been thinking on this since I saw the episode. Anyways, enjoy. ~

**Trials and Secret Motives**

We're driving out of town from another hunt when Dean starts trying his damnedest to stop me from continuing with the trials. I know that he's just being the protective older brother he's always been pressured to be but there's not much he can do as of now. I've already soaked myself in hellhound blood and chanted those magic words. The first trial has already been done. By me. And unless Dean plans on torturing an angel to use their time travel mojo, he can't really do anything aside from sit back and watch me pass these tests or die trying.

I know it's not fair to him. I know that I shouldn't expect him (out of everyone else on the planet) to just stand on the sidelines and watch me put my life on the line. To be completely honest, I wouldn't if I were in his shoes.

He's been in charge of keeping me safe from monsters and demons since before either of us could even spell 'demons'. Since he was four all he's ever been told is to protect me.

"_Protect Sammy." _

"_Watch after Sammy."_

"_Don't let him out of your sight."_

I know this job is a death sentence even with other people watching your back but that's what brothers are for, right? They're supposed to stick together and protect each other. Most importantly, it's gotta be a fifty/fifty relationship. Especially when our lives are on the line. You can't constantly take and not give anything in return. It just won't work that way. I realize that now.

I've always ran away from dad and his obsession with revenge. Every chance I got. I never thought or even really cared about the shit it put Dean through. Even after Jess died. I wanted revenge and I planned to go back to school as soon as I got it.

Dean never stopped putting my life ahead of his, though. No matter how off the rails I went. No matter how dark-side I got. No matter how unbearable and selfish I was. Our faith in each other wavered, sure, but when it came down to it, Dean still did everything he could to protect me. He still put my life ahead of his. To the point of never being able to keep a life away from these horrors.

I've had a normal life. More than once. Granted, it didn't last long but I still had it. Dean had something close to a normal life with Ben and Lisa but he never really gave up the job. He always had the colt and holy water right under his bed. He knew the monsters always come back and soon enough they destroyed that life of his.

Now he's found the first place that's safe enough to possibly call "home" since Bobby died. He has his own room for the first time in decades. He looks genuinely happy for the first time in years—or at least _**happier **_than he has been. I don't care what he says; he deserves some normality in his life. I see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm going to keep walking until the light is tangible.

If there's a chance—regardless of how small it is—that we can send those sons-of-bitches straight back where they came from and seal it away then I'm going to take it.

Dean deserves a life outside of this hell and I'm more than determined to give it to him. I may not be healthy during these _trials _but I'm sticking in it 'til the end.

So I continue to insist that I'm fine. Even when blood comes up with a cough. Even when I realize that hiding it will just come to bite me in the ass. Because Dean deserves someone to look at him and say that _**he's **_going to be okay.

I saw a lot of people that were mad at Sam for his decision to keep his condition a secret from Dean and I couldn't help but feel the need to stand up for him.

I understand that they really shouldn't be keeping things from each other but this is what I imagine is going through Sam's mind.

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed. Reviews would make my week.


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